Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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