Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
