I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
