When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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