come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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