So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i believe in u and ur pee
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
