rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
