I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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