Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
