i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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