I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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