I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
