I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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