I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
