am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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