how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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