my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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