i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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