i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
