i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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