you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
