We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
