he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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