Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
