On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
