Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
