i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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