Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
