Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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