On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
