Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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