The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
