Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
