Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
