i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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