1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
