How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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