so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
