Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
