Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
