I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
