When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
