Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
