well I can't set my house on fire every night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
