Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was confusing and full of hummus
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
