Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
