false alarm. still invincible.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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