I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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