Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
