from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
