Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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