Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
