I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
