my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
