Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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