Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
