i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
