i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
