You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
